Living my “3” Year= 30th Bday

I love playing around with Numerology. I have found that when adding up my bday and the year I’m in now, I’m living a “3” life at the moment. Plus, so many synchronicities… in my life related to the “3”. By the way…It’s Taurus Season!!!!

So, let’s begin….

I add 5+9+1+9+8+7= 39, 3+9= 12, 2+1=3 my birth life path numbers are 39/12/3…Creative Cooperation

I add 5+9+2+0+1+7= 24, 2+4=6, this year is  also a 24/6….Vision & Acceptance

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39/12/3 means according to my book,  The Life You Were Born To Live by Dan Millman, my life path says “m here to work through, issues of creativity, cooperation, and integrity, expressing themselves through creative teamwork, aligned with higher wisdom”…”abundant creative energy”….”highly emotional and intuitive”…”hypersensitive”. “Once they overcome self-doubt and step forward into the world with their unique combination of talents and drives, their fortunes will rise to the occasion”. Living a “3” life path number…. “People born under this Number are ambitious and they usually have a very strong will. Most of them are quite busy about their careers, for many people that that are born with Number 3 it may be not easy to accept a subordinate position. They know what it means – to have power and they know how to use it. These people always have enough energy to make their dreams come true, they rarely doubt and they do not like the other to be uncertain. People of Number 3 are usually building great plans, because they know how to implement them.”

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I’ve had self-doubt so often in my life… I still deal with it. The great part about it is, so does everyone else. I’m never alone in that. I had doubt airing my dirty laundry, but i feel much more free because I’m getting to express myself through writing….and I’m getting great responses from it all. I was nervous of judgement of things related to spirituality, healing, and magick. Other people try to project their fear on you when they don’t understand. I’ve always been into these things, but i couldn’t step fully into my calling until i went through my phases/ascensions. Understanding duality of life. I can be that voice to say “hey, i’ve been on both sides…this is what it’s like!” I just have to say, God, I’m so grateful! It brings you to a level of judging less, but giving more insight. Helping, healing….

Healer

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I was supposed to be a healer. Back in 4th/5th grade, my mom and my step dad were arguing and fighting(as usual), but thing that changed that day was when she almost died. I don’t take credit for saving her life. She was banging on the a glass window, trying to get my step dad’s attention as he rode off with his friend…Her arm with through the window and she began to bleed every where….she staggered to the back of the house, bleeding everywhere. My brothers and i were shocked. I had to think quick. I knew that if we had a cut to add pressure, so i hollered for my brothers to get me towels and the phone. I wrapped them around her arm to cover the main vein aka the Basilic Vein. She was already a Caucasian woman, but she was even more white. I thought she was going to die. Im sure in the midst of it all i called 911. They ended up taking her to the hospital. I was left to do damage control…I had to mop up the blood. It was a lot. I cant remember my step dad showing back up and cant remember him going to the hospital. Hopefully he did.

After that experience, I made sure that my path was planned for me to be a RN or Vet. I thought to myself, if i can help save my own mothers life, then surely i can help others.

Life takes a several turns….

Well, I’m not a RN yet…i have several decades to get through, but i did graduate with a Communication degree hence I’m here writing now with debt! LOL I was told by a spiritual advisor that I can heal in other ways…so now I’m putting more energy into my blog, candle making, and doing oracle readings. I’m on a mission to heal!

24/6

Im also in a “6” year! Its about Vision and Acceptance. I’m here to ” work through perfectionism, process, and responsibility, taking life one step at a time, manifesting my vision in practical ways, and accepting the inherent perfections of life”. Living a “6” year… ”  While the 6 is considered the most harmonious of all single-digit numbers, it is not without its flaws and upsets. The most important influence of the 6 is its loving and caring nature. Properly nicknamed the motherhood number, it is all about sacrificing, caring, healing, protecting and teaching others. No family or community can function without the power of the 6 to keep them together and safe. She is the glue that keeps a family or community together. “

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

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My Child Called Me Old…What is “That” Anyway?!? Entering the “30” Club!

Damn…Kids say the darndest thing! <insert eye rolls> I’m not even going to lie…my poor, little heart sunk in my ass for a second….each…and…every…damn…time that I say, “Hey, I’m turning 30”. *Pulls braids* I’m not old, I reply, “I was in my early twenties when i had you….”

I’m not nervous about turning 30 the least bit. Want to know what I’m scared as hell about for real though?!?? Student…fucking…loans! Yep, my time is up. I’m on the fast track to  paying those “things” back ASAP. *groans* Can someone just GIVE me that exorbitant amount in a check already please? LOL

But, seriously…I’m excited. I can say I’m the real deal grown now…I wont seem like the baby out of the group… *Opens arms* I’m welcoming you 30!!

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Learning Moments….

I have learned that time isn’t waiting…do all the fun things that your heart has desired~ Live for you~ You can only control yourself…you can’t control BF’s, friends, or husbands/wives~People are going to do what you allow them to do~ Say no sometimes~ Help someone~ Do charity work to remind yourself of humility~Love on your kids or spouse!~ Take lots of bubble baths with wine…yes, lots.~ Research ideas and understand how it’s related to your life~ Take meaningful trips~ Have alone time~ Ladies, wait guys out sometimes…and experience a 1 night stand, if that’s your thing( we will all do it one day)~Tell someone when they are wrong and right~ Love and appreciate your parents or loved one’s~ Choose peace over chaos, but “knuck and buck” if you have too(“ain’t nobody got time for that”)~ Love yourself unconditionally~ Smile…you never know who is watching~  🙂

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My list is endless….

These are just some things i started doing later in my twenties, when i decided to stop living for other people and began to live for myself. I’m doing me and doing what I want. It’s so much more peaceful… 🙂

Can we get old together and rich in experiences? 🙂

What life lessons can you reflect on before entering the “30” Club?

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

 

Oracle Reading for “Piper”

4 Card Spread

I did this reading for a friend’s sister at the end of April…I am using it for practice with permission and using an alias, again.

Question: What are the drastic changes of feel coming?

Situation: A Blessing Woven in Time: woman hidden…barely exposed by the tree…protected by all its limbs…heart slightly exposed..not showing the world all of her…possibly because she’s hurt…the card is suggesting to go within…mediate..heal. near the heart there is a level hearts=love, people are here to protect you, go in isolation for a while to heal. You or others need peace with yourself.

Obstacles: Blessed Tranquility: Blue=peace, tree reflected on the water…self reflection…meditation…are you who you see on the inside? Imperfections…bumps on the branches of tree reflection, but not on the actual tree…can you heal, accept, and be at peace with self?

Recommended Action: A Blessing of Relationship: healthy, happiness,, 2 hearts, yellow= hope and happiness, all intertwined..grounded, connected, clarity…peace and support… path to oneness. This could deal with the love for a child or adult.

Solution: The Blessing of Oneness: Rod of Asclepius…nonvenomous snake winding up the tree seen in healing temples in Greek Mythology, rejuvenation, red, yellow , and green chakras. Red chakra-” The chakra colors associated with the root chakra is Red. The root chakra defines our relation to Earth. It impacts our vitality, passion and survival instincts. The red chakra colors are also indicative of our need for logic and order, physical strength and sexuality as well as the fight or flight response when faced with danger.” Yellow chakra-” The solar plexus chakra is the personal power chakra that is responsible for one’s personal and professional success. The chakra colors yellow of this energy vortex are associated with fire, energy, charge etc. This element of fire, when balanced and harmonious allows one to feel more confident, cheerful and energetic along with a right amount of respect for self and others. ” Green Chakra– ” This chakra influences our relationships and has the Air element. A weak heart chakra is responsible for sabotaging the relationships through distrust, anger and envy etc…”

Heal these chakras while in isolation and meditation is a successful to oneness! 🙂

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Oracle Reading for “Darling Nikki”

I am so grateful to my friends for allowing me to practice with them with my cards, so for that reason, I have obtained permission to use their readings on my blog and giving them an alias. so let’s get right to it…!

I am still using a 4 card spread: Situation, Obstacles, Recommended Action, and Outcome. She asked her questions and understood that things could change for the reading… I can give possible outcomes.

Question: What direction should I go with the three things that dwell in my heart? (I found out in the end it was dealing with self, family, and career).

Situation: A Blessed Gift: tree radiating light..shining for the world…growth…dark roots underneath…possible unresolved situations…maybe with self that needs attention, but shining through it. (This had to do with self and past family issues). Go and repair things that happened in your childhood…remember who you are.

Obstacles: The Blessing of Creativity: Blue=Calmness(throat chakra=Speaking)…vocalizing her hurts and past..therapeutic….getting it off her chest… 3 butterfly’s= trinity…new beginnings in the 3 things she had questions about… Tree means money, growth, prosperity, water….Stars and hearts= love, spreading love, giving herself love

Recommended Action: The Blessing of Endless Possibilities  : The mother…fish=children, sisters…all needing her… pink=love…the sea is endless

Outcome: A Blessed Season: Beauty, reflection, peace, tranquility, love

Lemons of Life

Im sitting here in my bed on this Sunday, simply looking over life, my weekend-as it is coming to a close, and how peaceful I am with my kids today. We’re all doing our own thing in the house today. Im blasting my Pandora track That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars and Erykah Badu….just vibing as a write! Loving these feelings. I have to think, I am so grateful. I don’t have much material things as the richest person, but I’m not “piss poor” as they would say in the South either. I’m so grateful that I can lay in a bed and even write this for you to read now. Amazing!

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I’m running my hands over these keys on the keyboard…thinking, damn I have been through so much stuff in my life. It went from alcoholic parents, parents fighting, ending up in DHR, navigating through foster homes and a group home, moving out of the system, graduating high school and college, having kids, resurrecting dead ass relationships, mother passing, my spiritual journey, and finding self-which is an adventure in itself! I made it through…I’m literally here….2 days shy of 30 years!

Those lemons of life could have broken me with their sour asses, but I made pink lemonade baby! I’m here and thriving!!

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Be encouraged. Find your path and know that those problems are only temporary…they are lessons. That’s it. It’s okay if you buckle a few times, but get back up! Don’t think no one else falls either…we’re all trying to make it. Know that you are loved! I love you!

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Bag of Tears

Greeting Family!

I’m back again…like I said I would be with more blog posts! Last night, I shared with you all my Redemption and Self-worth post about being a mistress aka an “Easter Egg”.

This is going to be a heavy post because I have been sitting on these feelings for a while.

                                                                                So….

My mother passed in October 2012. Although I was there for her while she was ill, it still didn’t change the fact that she was physically about to expire. Nothing or no one can prepare anyone for death. Of course, I was in an ever changing spiritual state of questioning life and death back then. More importantly, where do souls go since we’re made up of energy? No Christian (my faith at the time) could tell me. Now, I realized that I didn’t properly mourn her death. 2013 was rough as hell! So much was going on…death, surviving undergrad/grad school, my break up, stress(which turned into me having alopecia in 2014), and navigating being a single mother.

Death really became a new beginning.

I was semi-suicidal and depressed. I was a foster child, so I already didn’t have my mom around for most of my pre-teen and teenage years. I debated killing myself several times. For what? I thought it would fix the pain, but I am glad that I realized I would be inflicting so much involuntary agony towards my family.  During this gloomy time, I stopped talking to family and friends. I dropped out of grad school…I felt too depressed to finish. I had heightened relationship issues with my kid’s father that seemed to magnify after her death. The issue was that I didn’t know how to properly mourn. Does anyone ever though?

Sad excuses because I’m supposed to be a big girl, right?

January through March 2013, I finally mourned her. I finally let go of the pain of watching her on a breathing machine and hearing that “death rattle”…that’s when your lungs fill with fluid. I let go of burdens dealing with her being in another city having to catch the bus in the rain, while being weak coming from dialysis. I regret that. I am literally shamefully sobbing right now. I was fucked up.  I fucked up! I was so busy living in another city, being a mom, being a live-in GF to a guy who didn’t seem to appreciate me (but shit, did I even appreciate myself?), graduating undergrad, going to grad school, trying to balance bills and be “grown”, and still travel up and down the highway to see her when her other kids couldn’t make it.

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Watching her life deteriorate before my eyes was by far the hardest shit I’ve ever had to go through. Sitting by her thinking of all those times I was a smart ass to her…thinking about all those times I could have hugged her, or came to see her more. Or hell, moved my kid’s father out and moved her into my home just spend a little more time with her.

I’ll tell you this…that woman was a Scorpio Rebel! Side note… she and my daughter’s birthdays are a day apart. She was supposed to share a birthday with my daughter, but the C-section didn’t go as planned and….she got on my nerves that day, so I asked God to not let my daughter be born on her birthday…ughh. Yes, I know petty. I am sorry mama.

Getting back on task here…

This heifer came on the Greyhound bus a year, or so prior…2 hours from our birthplace to TELL me (didn’t ask,) she was moving in with me….transferred her doctors and dialysis to move up here. I met her at the Greyhound station and told her she had to go back. When I look back, I question myself if I even deserved her love and affection she was trying to give me. She still loved me anyway and looked past all the bullshit that I was giving her. I was too focused on trying to work out that dead ass relationship with my kid’s dad over building another with her.  STOP RESURRECTING DEAD ASS RELTIONSHIPS! This random man told me, and I’ll never forget in that Greyhound station, that I will never get another mother and to treat her right.

Did I take his advice? No, it fell on deaf ears until she was on her death bed.

Fast forward to 2014 to mid-2015/2016….I began going overboard with the piercings, mostly, and tattoos. I was swimming in a puddle of pain…straight drowning actually. I love my tats and piercings… and I still believe its self-expression, but in reality, I was self-mutilating some pain away as well. Again, this was around the time of me exploring my sexuality and being a mistress as well(ending part of 2014 thru mid 2015… I was in a relationship…just needed to add). I was in a ton of emotional shit. Do you feel me? Now that I think about it, every time I was emotionally rejected through those months…I got a piercing. The over abundance of piercings really began to happen often in 2015…I have had/have just about all types of piercings 😉

Another side note…

I’m spiritually being nudged to tell you all about that time my mom came to visit me for Christmas. I had just revived that dead ass break up with my kids father, before the “big break up”, in 2011 going into 2012. I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was about 2 or 3…I treated my mom so bad. I was scared that I was pregnant, scared that I made the wrong decision to even have sex with him. God, I literally had a panic attack in the bathroom. Thoughts raced through my mind…”what if he leaves me” or “how am I going to finish college and work on $7.25 hour paycheck?” It was little the things that annoyed me during that time. God, I would like a do-over.

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Consistent cycles….

Every year…at the beginning of the year, I literally go through depression, suicidal thoughts, and now, anxiety. I have probably always had anxiety and just pinpointed what it was.

This year was no different. Only difference was that I hadn’t gotten any new piercings in 2017. I don’t have much left to pierce, truth be told. This year I broke down in my employers bathroom crying…walking back in and out of the office…to go unnoticed…that I was really battling with some emotions inside. I was fucked up, for a lack of a better statement. I had taken all that I felt I could take. I wrote my “tribe” a letter saying this is it. I’ll make a will and to please take care of my kids. Of course, being the kind family that they are…they reached out. I explained that I missed my mom, life is stressful, and my job is just shaky. I couldn’t leave anyway…who would be here to help heal others, or love on my kids like me, or even to be that optimistic person in a room full of naysayer’s and Debbie Downers? I have to stay. My mission would be incomplete.

Self-Evaluation…..

I finally realized what I was going through. It is called a “deathversary”. It is when you become emotional around the months that your loved one passed. My aunt helped me figure it out. I wasn’t crazy…this is normal behavior. Anxiety isn’t a joke. You’re one cry away from leaving your natural life at times.

Are you struggling too?

What has to be done…is that you have to doing something fun, or doing something in their remembrance around that time. For me, I’d probably get a massage somewhere to relax and be around people who care for my well-being…who can speak life into my situation and emotions. Say affirmations. Grounding yourself at the park in the grass…dig your feet into the earth. Hug a tree. Mediate in nature. We’re going to make it!

I am not alone. You are not alone. We are loved. We can overcome anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Mourning is natural. I talk to my mom out loud because I know her soul visits me. Her energy comforts me when I’m sad. That hell raising Scorpio wouldn’t ever leave me!

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The best thing to happen to me was being a mom to a silly Cancer boy and a little Scorpio baby girl. She is so much like me…and my mom. We’re all funny in a weird, quirky way. I’ll share this again…The night my mom passed; I was filling out her paper work to go into hospice. She wasn’t having that. She didn’t want to go in a place like that. That heifer died before she went into a hospice care center! LOL But…that night when I got off the phone with her doctor…I know I felt my mom’s spirit flow through me. I reached for my babies kneeling in the kitchen…hugging them so tight…telling them that I loved them. They couldn’t comprehend at that moment. I couldn’t understand what I was doing. She was telling me goodbye and that she loved me…and she always felt like my brother and I were my kids. So, now, as I write this and watch my 2 Peas as they rest…I get to look at them in amazement every night as they sleep in my bed…just thinking…damn, my mama looked at us the same way! That thought keeps me content.

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

C H A N G E S| Journey

Hello Loves!

For those who know me personally, I am always speaking of changes and being on a Journey.

What is Change?

a :  to make different in some particular :  alter <never bothered to change the will> b :  to make radically different :  transform <can’t change human nature> c :  to give a different position, course, or direction to a :  to replace with another <let’s change the subject> b :  to make a shift from one to another :  switch <always changes sides in an argument> c :  to exchange for an equivalent sum of money (as in smaller denominations or in a foreign currency) <change a 20-dollar bill> :  to undergo a modification of <foliage changing color>

What is a Journey?

       1 :  an act or instance of traveling from one place to another :  trip
2 chiefly dialect :  a day’s travel 3:  something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another <the journey from youth to maturity> <a journey through time>
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I use to shy away from change, but now I embrace it…Never knew how to adapt to it, or at least never had the desire either.
By definition, I am on and have been on this Journey full of Changes since 2013…coming into my own person & sincerely knowing and loving me first.
The thing about change is, is that it can be invited, or it can just happen…when it just happens…it can be more uncomfortable. Being that uncomfortable can make you the best person that you’ve Never been.
So…since 2013-2014….I separated from a 5 year relationship…Began a relationship for several months in 2014-2015…it was different and fun…and i re-learned how to love and to be hurt…but i was able to simply apply it as a life experience and move on from that moment…and were still friends! I can call him whenever about anything ….2015…it had its challenges…my two loves started school(kids being kids…possible ADHD …post coming soon….) …Made some great friends along the way….this year taught me about existing friendships and taking inventory on those…You have to be with people who add value to your life and make you a better person…I experiemented with new hair styles and color…I’m loving the Red currently! I found that I actually Love EDM itself(get lost in the instrumentals y’all), Sango, Alina Baraz & Galimatias, Marian Hill, etc….I added 5 other piercings and 1 tattoo to my body…I also came out to some close family and friends(and now to the world 🙂 ) that I am Bicurious….not sure where that will lead to (its been made clear that you dont have to accept it because its my life), but i believe that you should be honest with yourself…and by being honest with yourself first, then growth occurs.Yay for Growth!! 🙂
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I believe that people live their entire life trying to please another human(s). My entire life, up until now, has been lived for someone else. How is that living, Or are you merely existing? To define your happiness based on someone elses’s life and values…For what reason(s)? For them to agree, validate, and like you more? You can be your normal self and you will still have people judge you. This Journey has taught me to judge less and to correct those who want to judge more.  Dont live you life full of regret and wishing that you could have done this ,or that…Just do it now! Of course, be within reason. We are never going to be perfect and we still may mess up, but at least we are conscious the next time that we want to be mean to someone because they seem different. Be Kind and do right by people, but dont apologize for who you are growing to be(positive of course).
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2016 will be Beautiful…judging less, more QT w/family and friends, loving myself even more, and traveling! I hope I see you on the way! 🙂
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(this is  constant reminder above, that i have in my bathroom for preparation daily, as I leave my home and set out on my Journey to be changed.)
Know & Love yourself so that you will know how to love others.
With so much Love,
Random Mixed Chick
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