Love|Marriage|Reflection

Peace Family!

 

I come to you so much better than I felt a few days ago. I had a range of emotions pulled out my being all at once. Know why? My kids father got married. Since I’ve done my own shadow work, I can’t do anything but be honest with you all. My poor little heart was hit like the “High Striker Sledge Hammer” game at the fair. I was “butt hurt” and in my feelings. I cried. I’m not even going to lie. 9022ba21927e066613cc0c8fb0d026e2

I was happy for them, but it was weird though. My emotions went from extremely happy, sad, jealous, envious, trying to be happy again, and melancholic. This was different though…the jealousy wasn’t like I want him back, or that i wanted them to be separated…No, this was one of those feelings like, damn….when will it be my time? I started to question my own self-healing work. I think what helped increase those feelings was that I have several people around me getting married to their mate, but I had to shake those feelings and not allow it to overcome me. Those were just negative affirmations racing through my mind. I know deep within my core, I will always be that person that’s even more happy than the person going through any exciting life event.

As I soak in my tub, contemplating writing this blog post…I tried to talk myself out of it, but someone needed to hear this!

cb913099-e059-4ac6-96d5-624a33f2cfcd

Get your ass in there and blog about this!

Realization

My time will come. This is their time to enjoy. It’s not easy always putting your feelings aside, but the work I’ve been doing on myself, to better me, was necessary. The mature person that I’ve grown to be congratulated them(…and because of the spirituality I am in, I burned a white & pink prayer candle for them to always have Love and Protection). I’ve always loved her for him ever since we met years ago and I know she will be a good wife for him… to ground him. Most importantly, she will be a awesome stepmom to our kids. They’ve made the choice to give all of our kids stability. That is a gift in itself!

Our fine little’ step daddy is on the way….! 

il_fullxfull.485975867_jtyu

Etsy photo from ValerieKStudio

I begin to think …the reflection of my higher self  is on his way! I hope I’m ready for him and vice versa. Until then, I’m going to continue working on me and healing past wounds, so when he comes, I can love him properly and be loved thoroughly.

My song Blind Man by SPZRKT/Xavier Omar began to play…I want my “reflection” to love me like that! 🙂

Love the lyrics….
“I can love you with my eyes closed
I don’t lose sight of your beauty
‘Cos your heart is fine gold baby
Imma take my time with your mind

Your ambition won’t leave me alone
Tell me ’bout your dreams, tell me everything
Don’t nobody care about your heart like I do
Girl I’m down for you just the way that you’re down for me

Body like a queen
But it ain’t about your body baby it’s about your being
I ain’t rolling up, but I’m on a high
When you really think about it, ain’t no wonder why”

 

 

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

C H A N G E S| Journey

Hello Loves!

For those who know me personally, I am always speaking of changes and being on a Journey.

What is Change?

a :  to make different in some particular :  alter <never bothered to change the will> b :  to make radically different :  transform <can’t change human nature> c :  to give a different position, course, or direction to a :  to replace with another <let’s change the subject> b :  to make a shift from one to another :  switch <always changes sides in an argument> c :  to exchange for an equivalent sum of money (as in smaller denominations or in a foreign currency) <change a 20-dollar bill> :  to undergo a modification of <foliage changing color>

What is a Journey?

       1 :  an act or instance of traveling from one place to another :  trip
2 chiefly dialect :  a day’s travel 3:  something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another <the journey from youth to maturity> <a journey through time>
12369048_944843001221_2898015546274069696_n
I use to shy away from change, but now I embrace it…Never knew how to adapt to it, or at least never had the desire either.
By definition, I am on and have been on this Journey full of Changes since 2013…coming into my own person & sincerely knowing and loving me first.
The thing about change is, is that it can be invited, or it can just happen…when it just happens…it can be more uncomfortable. Being that uncomfortable can make you the best person that you’ve Never been.
So…since 2013-2014….I separated from a 5 year relationship…Began a relationship for several months in 2014-2015…it was different and fun…and i re-learned how to love and to be hurt…but i was able to simply apply it as a life experience and move on from that moment…and were still friends! I can call him whenever about anything ….2015…it had its challenges…my two loves started school(kids being kids…possible ADHD …post coming soon….) …Made some great friends along the way….this year taught me about existing friendships and taking inventory on those…You have to be with people who add value to your life and make you a better person…I experiemented with new hair styles and color…I’m loving the Red currently! I found that I actually Love EDM itself(get lost in the instrumentals y’all), Sango, Alina Baraz & Galimatias, Marian Hill, etc….I added 5 other piercings and 1 tattoo to my body…I also came out to some close family and friends(and now to the world 🙂 ) that I am Bicurious….not sure where that will lead to (its been made clear that you dont have to accept it because its my life), but i believe that you should be honest with yourself…and by being honest with yourself first, then growth occurs.Yay for Growth!! 🙂
12107740_941681122651_8479659560404588789_n     12274319_941064817731_1325862757183486485_n
I believe that people live their entire life trying to please another human(s). My entire life, up until now, has been lived for someone else. How is that living, Or are you merely existing? To define your happiness based on someone elses’s life and values…For what reason(s)? For them to agree, validate, and like you more? You can be your normal self and you will still have people judge you. This Journey has taught me to judge less and to correct those who want to judge more.  Dont live you life full of regret and wishing that you could have done this ,or that…Just do it now! Of course, be within reason. We are never going to be perfect and we still may mess up, but at least we are conscious the next time that we want to be mean to someone because they seem different. Be Kind and do right by people, but dont apologize for who you are growing to be(positive of course).
PicsArt_12-12-06.09.36
  1907605_752645002551_6020910805054136325_n
2016 will be Beautiful…judging less, more QT w/family and friends, loving myself even more, and traveling! I hope I see you on the way! 🙂
  10885469_829431891011_8877225358777696898_n
(this is  constant reminder above, that i have in my bathroom for preparation daily, as I leave my home and set out on my Journey to be changed.)
Know & Love yourself so that you will know how to love others.
With so much Love,
Random Mixed Chick
11219660_905777838121_661608476611133993_n