I come to you so much better than I felt a few days ago. I had a range of emotions pulled out my being all at once. Know why? My kids father got married. Since I’ve done my own shadow work, I can’t do anything but be honest with you all. My poor little heart was hit like the “High Striker Sledge Hammer” game at the fair. I was “butt hurt” and in my feelings. I cried. I’m not even going to lie.
I was happy for them, but it was weird though. My emotions went from extremely happy, sad, jealous, envious, trying to be happy again, and melancholic. This was different though…the jealousy wasn’t like I want him back, or that i wanted them to be separated…No, this was one of those feelings like, damn….when will it be my time? I started to question my own self-healing work. I think what helped increase those feelings was that I have several people around me getting married to their mate, but I had to shake those feelings and not allow it to overcome me. Those were just negative affirmations racing through my mind. I know deep within my core, I will always be that person that’s even more happy than the person going through any exciting life event.
As I soak in my tub, contemplating writing this blog post…I tried to talk myself out of it, but someone needed to hear this!
My time will come. This is their time to enjoy. It’s not easy always putting your feelings aside, but the work I’ve been doing on myself, to better me, was necessary. The mature person that I’ve grown to be congratulated them(…and because of the spirituality I am in, I burned a white & pink prayer candle for them to always have Love and Protection). I’ve always loved her for him ever since we met years ago and I know she will be a good wife for him… to ground him. Most importantly, she will be a awesome stepmom to our kids. They’ve made the choice to give all of our kids stability. That is a gift in itself!
Our fine little’ step daddy is on the way….!
I begin to think …the reflection of my higher self is on his way! I hope I’m ready for him and vice versa. Until then, I’m going to continue working on me and healing past wounds, so when he comes, I can love him properly and be loved thoroughly.
My song Blind Man by SPZRKT/Xavier Omar began to play…I want my “reflection” to love me like that! 🙂
Love the lyrics….
“I can love you with my eyes closed
I don’t lose sight of your beauty
‘Cos your heart is fine gold baby
Imma take my time with your mind
Your ambition won’t leave me alone
Tell me ’bout your dreams, tell me everything
Don’t nobody care about your heart like I do
Girl I’m down for you just the way that you’re down for me
Body like a queen
But it ain’t about your body baby it’s about your being
I ain’t rolling up, but I’m on a high
When you really think about it, ain’t no wonder why”
Peace and Blessings,
Random Mixed Chick