Healers|Healing|Self Love Tarot Spread

Peace Family!

I had a wonderful self-love healing reading tonight with a client, but before I began I tested this new spread that i found on Pinterest out on myself…I was elated! Although only 5 cards….It’s bad-ass and packs a punch full of knowledge to help propel you on your journey.

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  1. Relationship to Self|The Fool~ It’s about Awareness….trusting self more, new beginnings,  a free spirit, intuition on point! Following my own mind…marching to the beat of my own drum even though others may judge or disagree…Im doing me! 🙂 How beautiful?! To me, it’s also about cycles of being here on Earth. you have these mountains, representing challenges….constantly questioning your preparedness for them, while you have the mist, representing Spirit in general, there for your protection on your journey.
  2. Admirable Qualities|Integration(Temperance in RW deck)~It’s about Verification…self creation…new life. Everything is interchangeable here and flowing together finally! You have the snake at the bottom of the card…” The Ouroboros has been said to have a meaning of infinity or wholeness.” It feels like a woman hovering over Mother earth with the Yin/Yang symbol speaking of balance….bringing about the pure and innocent qualities in the Swan and the strong minded and powerful male Eagle together….Represented as well…is the crystal on the crown chakra bringing so much clarity to life.
  3. Disowned Self|Rebirth~This is asking to get out of that lazy mode where your self satisfied, like the Camel, at the moment as if you have nothing else to do….there’s always more to be completed and healed. It’s okay to be content, but don’t let that evolve into a hinderance. Be like the mighty Lion..powerful, fearless, and a individual…which i know wraps back around to the Fool card…Be yourself…walk in your journey.
  4. Release|Thunderbolt(The Tower in RW deck)~Since it was in reverse..it speaks of avoiding of disaster, fear of change…and also fear of failing, to me. But, after the change(fire) there is always rebirth of new, fresh things. That’s when the awakening really happens! Meeting the process 1/2 is key. The lightning bolt is ridding the people of physical things more so spiritual…shedding old patterns.
  5. More Love to self|Celebration~ Water represented…meaning newness, freshness, rebirth…Wind meaning change, but a good change nonetheless because these 3 (my life path number) women represented are having fun and being carefree. The leaves are falling it seems in Fall/Autumn…which is about change and letting go, preservation, maturity, protection, and balance(integration card also).

Overall, My cards i pulled for self love was simply about Growth! If you aren’t uncomfortable, then you aren’t growing! 🙂

 

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Peace & Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

 

 

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Love|Marriage|Reflection

Peace Family!

 

I come to you so much better than I felt a few days ago. I had a range of emotions pulled out my being all at once. Know why? My kids father got married. Since I’ve done my own shadow work, I can’t do anything but be honest with you all. My poor little heart was hit like the “High Striker Sledge Hammer” game at the fair. I was “butt hurt” and in my feelings. I cried. I’m not even going to lie. 9022ba21927e066613cc0c8fb0d026e2

I was happy for them, but it was weird though. My emotions went from extremely happy, sad, jealous, envious, trying to be happy again, and melancholic. This was different though…the jealousy wasn’t like I want him back, or that i wanted them to be separated…No, this was one of those feelings like, damn….when will it be my time? I started to question my own self-healing work. I think what helped increase those feelings was that I have several people around me getting married to their mate, but I had to shake those feelings and not allow it to overcome me. Those were just negative affirmations racing through my mind. I know deep within my core, I will always be that person that’s even more happy than the person going through any exciting life event.

As I soak in my tub, contemplating writing this blog post…I tried to talk myself out of it, but someone needed to hear this!

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Get your ass in there and blog about this!

Realization

My time will come. This is their time to enjoy. It’s not easy always putting your feelings aside, but the work I’ve been doing on myself, to better me, was necessary. The mature person that I’ve grown to be congratulated them(…and because of the spirituality I am in, I burned a white & pink prayer candle for them to always have Love and Protection). I’ve always loved her for him ever since we met years ago and I know she will be a good wife for him… to ground him. Most importantly, she will be a awesome stepmom to our kids. They’ve made the choice to give all of our kids stability. That is a gift in itself!

Our fine little’ step daddy is on the way….! 

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Etsy photo from ValerieKStudio

I begin to think …the reflection of my higher self  is on his way! I hope I’m ready for him and vice versa. Until then, I’m going to continue working on me and healing past wounds, so when he comes, I can love him properly and be loved thoroughly.

My song Blind Man by SPZRKT/Xavier Omar began to play…I want my “reflection” to love me like that! 🙂

Love the lyrics….
“I can love you with my eyes closed
I don’t lose sight of your beauty
‘Cos your heart is fine gold baby
Imma take my time with your mind

Your ambition won’t leave me alone
Tell me ’bout your dreams, tell me everything
Don’t nobody care about your heart like I do
Girl I’m down for you just the way that you’re down for me

Body like a queen
But it ain’t about your body baby it’s about your being
I ain’t rolling up, but I’m on a high
When you really think about it, ain’t no wonder why”

 

 

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Lemons of Life

Im sitting here in my bed on this Sunday, simply looking over life, my weekend-as it is coming to a close, and how peaceful I am with my kids today. We’re all doing our own thing in the house today. Im blasting my Pandora track That’s What I Like by Bruno Mars and Erykah Badu….just vibing as a write! Loving these feelings. I have to think, I am so grateful. I don’t have much material things as the richest person, but I’m not “piss poor” as they would say in the South either. I’m so grateful that I can lay in a bed and even write this for you to read now. Amazing!

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I’m running my hands over these keys on the keyboard…thinking, damn I have been through so much stuff in my life. It went from alcoholic parents, parents fighting, ending up in DHR, navigating through foster homes and a group home, moving out of the system, graduating high school and college, having kids, resurrecting dead ass relationships, mother passing, my spiritual journey, and finding self-which is an adventure in itself! I made it through…I’m literally here….2 days shy of 30 years!

Those lemons of life could have broken me with their sour asses, but I made pink lemonade baby! I’m here and thriving!!

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Be encouraged. Find your path and know that those problems are only temporary…they are lessons. That’s it. It’s okay if you buckle a few times, but get back up! Don’t think no one else falls either…we’re all trying to make it. Know that you are loved! I love you!

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Love My Soul, Not Just My Body

Eyes. Dimples. Lips. Neck. Shoulders. Breast. Nipples…. You get it, right? All of these lovely body parts that are meant to be honored, kissed, and caressed are there, but that’s not just the entire makeup of a person. What about long convo’s about the cosmos, God, souls, business ideas, and healing the world?

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I have encountered this idea of moving fast endless times in between me being a “baby savage” and a good girl. Just when you think about giving someone a chance, they talk about sex. I like to read, converse, and debate you know!?! *sigh*

You can busy yourself with learning the mechanics of my body and how and when to touch me, but when that dissipates, because it will, you will have never knew all about nurturing my mind and soul. You would have missed out on the best part of …me.

I have set myself up failure in the past. Ughhh…thinking, okay…I’m just going to let him taste… but get caught up in the bodily emotions. Nahhhhh…..at some point you have to renew and break habits. On my journey in 2017, I’m finding me. In that same respect, whoever I choose to deal with, I want that person to learn me and love me. Touch my heart and soul, not just my G-spot. Know my inner workings, so that you’ll be able and better prepared to know my outer workings. Accept me with all of my flaws. Love my soul first and my body second. I am more than sex. You are more than sex. You’re that imperfect  person, lover and a dreamer!

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Who is She?

I’ll be honest, I fell for the bullshit before…the lies. I won’t say never again…but I’m much wiser and keener on reading people and keeping my past lessons to the forefront often now. Your flesh is something serious. Life is the experience and lessons.

Lesson: Any man/woman that feels it necessary to rush sex as the part of the “getting to know you” process….I would advise to think long and hard about that. Choose to be with someone who will respect you and your wishes while still showing love and affection. It’s not easy to keep all that horniness under control…and you’ll probably want to call up an old person…Don’t do that either. You let the chips fall where they laid on those past situations…no need to revive old experiences. Nope, nada, zilch.

 In time, the universe will send someone your way that is respectful, chivalrous, compatible, who will love you, and… can lay it down….I’m just saying! 😉

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Road to healing…

We make mistakes of moving too fast and not giving that true chance of getting to know someone. Tame your flesh. You will get there!

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Bag of Tears

Greeting Family!

I’m back again…like I said I would be with more blog posts! Last night, I shared with you all my Redemption and Self-worth post about being a mistress aka an “Easter Egg”.

This is going to be a heavy post because I have been sitting on these feelings for a while.

                                                                                So….

My mother passed in October 2012. Although I was there for her while she was ill, it still didn’t change the fact that she was physically about to expire. Nothing or no one can prepare anyone for death. Of course, I was in an ever changing spiritual state of questioning life and death back then. More importantly, where do souls go since we’re made up of energy? No Christian (my faith at the time) could tell me. Now, I realized that I didn’t properly mourn her death. 2013 was rough as hell! So much was going on…death, surviving undergrad/grad school, my break up, stress(which turned into me having alopecia in 2014), and navigating being a single mother.

Death really became a new beginning.

I was semi-suicidal and depressed. I was a foster child, so I already didn’t have my mom around for most of my pre-teen and teenage years. I debated killing myself several times. For what? I thought it would fix the pain, but I am glad that I realized I would be inflicting so much involuntary agony towards my family.  During this gloomy time, I stopped talking to family and friends. I dropped out of grad school…I felt too depressed to finish. I had heightened relationship issues with my kid’s father that seemed to magnify after her death. The issue was that I didn’t know how to properly mourn. Does anyone ever though?

Sad excuses because I’m supposed to be a big girl, right?

January through March 2013, I finally mourned her. I finally let go of the pain of watching her on a breathing machine and hearing that “death rattle”…that’s when your lungs fill with fluid. I let go of burdens dealing with her being in another city having to catch the bus in the rain, while being weak coming from dialysis. I regret that. I am literally shamefully sobbing right now. I was fucked up.  I fucked up! I was so busy living in another city, being a mom, being a live-in GF to a guy who didn’t seem to appreciate me (but shit, did I even appreciate myself?), graduating undergrad, going to grad school, trying to balance bills and be “grown”, and still travel up and down the highway to see her when her other kids couldn’t make it.

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Watching her life deteriorate before my eyes was by far the hardest shit I’ve ever had to go through. Sitting by her thinking of all those times I was a smart ass to her…thinking about all those times I could have hugged her, or came to see her more. Or hell, moved my kid’s father out and moved her into my home just spend a little more time with her.

I’ll tell you this…that woman was a Scorpio Rebel! Side note… she and my daughter’s birthdays are a day apart. She was supposed to share a birthday with my daughter, but the C-section didn’t go as planned and….she got on my nerves that day, so I asked God to not let my daughter be born on her birthday…ughh. Yes, I know petty. I am sorry mama.

Getting back on task here…

This heifer came on the Greyhound bus a year, or so prior…2 hours from our birthplace to TELL me (didn’t ask,) she was moving in with me….transferred her doctors and dialysis to move up here. I met her at the Greyhound station and told her she had to go back. When I look back, I question myself if I even deserved her love and affection she was trying to give me. She still loved me anyway and looked past all the bullshit that I was giving her. I was too focused on trying to work out that dead ass relationship with my kid’s dad over building another with her.  STOP RESURRECTING DEAD ASS RELTIONSHIPS! This random man told me, and I’ll never forget in that Greyhound station, that I will never get another mother and to treat her right.

Did I take his advice? No, it fell on deaf ears until she was on her death bed.

Fast forward to 2014 to mid-2015/2016….I began going overboard with the piercings, mostly, and tattoos. I was swimming in a puddle of pain…straight drowning actually. I love my tats and piercings… and I still believe its self-expression, but in reality, I was self-mutilating some pain away as well. Again, this was around the time of me exploring my sexuality and being a mistress as well(ending part of 2014 thru mid 2015… I was in a relationship…just needed to add). I was in a ton of emotional shit. Do you feel me? Now that I think about it, every time I was emotionally rejected through those months…I got a piercing. The over abundance of piercings really began to happen often in 2015…I have had/have just about all types of piercings 😉

Another side note…

I’m spiritually being nudged to tell you all about that time my mom came to visit me for Christmas. I had just revived that dead ass break up with my kids father, before the “big break up”, in 2011 going into 2012. I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was about 2 or 3…I treated my mom so bad. I was scared that I was pregnant, scared that I made the wrong decision to even have sex with him. God, I literally had a panic attack in the bathroom. Thoughts raced through my mind…”what if he leaves me” or “how am I going to finish college and work on $7.25 hour paycheck?” It was little the things that annoyed me during that time. God, I would like a do-over.

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Consistent cycles….

Every year…at the beginning of the year, I literally go through depression, suicidal thoughts, and now, anxiety. I have probably always had anxiety and just pinpointed what it was.

This year was no different. Only difference was that I hadn’t gotten any new piercings in 2017. I don’t have much left to pierce, truth be told. This year I broke down in my employers bathroom crying…walking back in and out of the office…to go unnoticed…that I was really battling with some emotions inside. I was fucked up, for a lack of a better statement. I had taken all that I felt I could take. I wrote my “tribe” a letter saying this is it. I’ll make a will and to please take care of my kids. Of course, being the kind family that they are…they reached out. I explained that I missed my mom, life is stressful, and my job is just shaky. I couldn’t leave anyway…who would be here to help heal others, or love on my kids like me, or even to be that optimistic person in a room full of naysayer’s and Debbie Downers? I have to stay. My mission would be incomplete.

Self-Evaluation…..

I finally realized what I was going through. It is called a “deathversary”. It is when you become emotional around the months that your loved one passed. My aunt helped me figure it out. I wasn’t crazy…this is normal behavior. Anxiety isn’t a joke. You’re one cry away from leaving your natural life at times.

Are you struggling too?

What has to be done…is that you have to doing something fun, or doing something in their remembrance around that time. For me, I’d probably get a massage somewhere to relax and be around people who care for my well-being…who can speak life into my situation and emotions. Say affirmations. Grounding yourself at the park in the grass…dig your feet into the earth. Hug a tree. Mediate in nature. We’re going to make it!

I am not alone. You are not alone. We are loved. We can overcome anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Mourning is natural. I talk to my mom out loud because I know her soul visits me. Her energy comforts me when I’m sad. That hell raising Scorpio wouldn’t ever leave me!

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The best thing to happen to me was being a mom to a silly Cancer boy and a little Scorpio baby girl. She is so much like me…and my mom. We’re all funny in a weird, quirky way. I’ll share this again…The night my mom passed; I was filling out her paper work to go into hospice. She wasn’t having that. She didn’t want to go in a place like that. That heifer died before she went into a hospice care center! LOL But…that night when I got off the phone with her doctor…I know I felt my mom’s spirit flow through me. I reached for my babies kneeling in the kitchen…hugging them so tight…telling them that I loved them. They couldn’t comprehend at that moment. I couldn’t understand what I was doing. She was telling me goodbye and that she loved me…and she always felt like my brother and I were my kids. So, now, as I write this and watch my 2 Peas as they rest…I get to look at them in amazement every night as they sleep in my bed…just thinking…damn, my mama looked at us the same way! That thought keeps me content.

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

F O O D| Smoothie Pops

Hello Loves!

Tonight…I bring to you…the Smoothie Pop!

I have loved popsicles, whether it was cold or hot outside. So, I have come up with my own healthy recipe for homemade smoothie popsicles, especially for my kiddies. My kids love smoothies generally, so it wasn’t hard to get them excited about the different fruits and veggies to include in our smoothie.

You can purchase these popsicle holders  from your local Store(Walmart, Target, World Market, etc.)

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The ingredients that I chose to use were spinach, pineapple, strawberries, mango, low fat yogurt, water, and blueberries. I would have included kale if I had it too. 🙂

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I blended these ingredients on “High” because I didn’t want chunks of spinach in the popsicle.

This is a fabulous way to get your kids to consume more fruits and vegetables….and the best part is…..you know exactly what is being put into your food! It will not get any better than that. 🙂

Share your favorite recipe and…Enjoy!

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

 

 

H A I R| souffle

Hello Good People!

Today, I decided to create my very own hair soufflé…and I think I did a decent job. This in the long run is going to be a more natural and least expensive approach when doing my hair. I like this method because I can visually see what is being used to create this little masterpiece. 🙂

 

What you will need:

4-6 oz of Shea butter

3 -4 oz of coconut oil

hand mixer and mixing bowl

Now…the ingredients on a website I viewed said that corn starch is optional and that you may use a essential oil…I didn’t use either today.

I did add about 5 drops of Jamaican black castor oil and sweet almond oil to my soufflé . I

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I warmed up my Shea butter for 30 seconds in the microwave. I put it in my mixing bowl and blended it out until it became creamy.    20160117_141627.jpg

 

I then added my coconut oil, sweet almond oil, and then my Jamaican black castor oil. I blended with the hand mixer for about  3- 4 minutes until I was able to obtain a fluffy consistency.

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Here are my results! 🙂

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I actually saved my old containers to store my soufflé in, or you can just buy cute mason jars to store it. My soufflé is cooling in a cool and dark place -the fridge…I expect it to go on really nice while I’m doing my flexi rods again.

 

Whip yourself some up and tell me how you did yours! 🙂

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick