Oracle Reading-“Ex-Factor”

“Why do I choose unavailable men?”

Heal and be healed.

I did this spread Thursday night and I’m writing about it now. When I think of my situations…I think of Lauryn Hill’s song Ex-Factor. Have you listened to the words? A constant struggle…loves but reopening of scars every time, but even better discovering you just simply need to let some shit go.  It resonated with me to the 10th degree. Loving someone so unavailable, but not being able to let go…even going to the extent of changing and accommodating. Even more, not being able to stay for you. Is that love?

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  1. Situation: “The Blessing of Endless Possibilities”- Woman grounded…fish around her…she’s the center of it all. It speaks to me, saying, be the Light. Don’t take it too seriously…Let go of things… keep your innocence and imagination.
  2. Obstacles: “The Blessing of Questions”-Tree rooted, but sways…leaves falling…confusion…Let go of what no longer serves you. Be Free.  I resonated with this card because I am solely a person of question… I question everything and then create different scenarios in my head about situations. This card plainly states, “Examine and identify any belief that stems from irrational fear.” My fears have been about self-worth, anxiety about things I can’t change, and above all, love (choosing to deal with my unavailability and dealing with men who are unavailable also, who can’t show me love at 100%). I have to let go of my fears of all of those things to be set free, so that I may attract the most positive things and be my best Higher self to receive those things.
  3. Recommended Actions: “A Blessing Woven in Time”- Rooted tree shedding leaves…rain equaling tears…change…no worries…speak the truth…my truth…burden lifted and blessing for me and all. Personally, I resonate with the message because I am blogging about my different experiences. They are normal experiences anyone would have, but none that anyone would be open and bold to be discussing. It has been on my heart that I can’t perpetrate…I have to be honest. I have to speak on my experience, to heal from my experiences. Then, everyone just might be more comfortable sharing and healing from their own experiences. In time is what the card says and “speak the truth and the burden will be lifted”. Self-sacrificing experiences isn’t for the faint-hearted, but I own every bit of it. I am on a mission to heal everyone!
  4. Outcome: “Your Blessed Power”- A woman represented…angel wings…heart….learning….growth…can do anything! Creator of things…blessing to the earth. I took the message from this card that I have the power to change my situation. When you know better, you do better!

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

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Oracle Card Readings-Prosperity

My Oracle 4-Card Spread

I was attracted to the Namaste deck(blessing & divination cards) by Toni Carmine Salerno because of how peaceful it felt and the butterfly. Butterflies always resonate with me because I nicknamed myself Butterfly in my younger days, what they represent, and the fact that while I was burying my mom, this butterfly kept flying around me. I knew it was her.

I am a novice and willing to practice on willing participants, in public and private. However, for now, I am practicing on myself. I have no intentions to do this for money (things may change in future…who knows), but I am doing this more for healing myself and others.

I began by lighting my candles/incense, praying, and channeling God, my higher self(leave ego at the door), and my ancestors, and my angels/spirit guides who protect and help me navigate this world. I’ve notice that I read myself better when I can clear my head(I am a thinker, so it’s really hard sometimes) and breathe. Take me out the equation and let this message come through.

I’ve been practicing with a 4 Card Spread representing the situation, obstacles, recommended actions, and outcome….in that order. I take note of the back description and what the imagery it is telling me. It could change every time.

 

Tonight, I asked “Will I receive a $2000.00 bonus?

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We all know a little prosperity change jingling in your pocket never hurts! And…you can help others too.

  1. Situation: “A Blessing from The Light”- Blessing from my guides…God…love and light it surrounds me. We like light because it represents pureness, protection, and it just makes you feel good. So, to know that the universe has my back is a good thing. I am on some pure intention stuff. Be hope to others…do your mission to heal.
  2. Obstacles: “A Blessing Woven in Time”- We never want to hear “in time”…it’s that instant gratification that we have to feel. I took from this card that my time is coming soon to have blessings and prosperity. Look within…I could then be a blessing to others…that light…from the first card.
  3. Recommended Actions: “The Blessing in Faith”- Just like in Christianity(i might add, i don’t necessarily practice the faith any longer, but will reference and support anyone who does), faith through obstacles are simply challenges you can get through. Are you going to give up, or fight your way through it and persevere?  This card had lots of red and mountains…with purple details…purple to me is regal and loyal… are you going to have faith and overcome? Go through the fire to get to the other side…the bigger goal. For me, this represent my current struggles at work… am I going to stand strong, have faith  & patience that everything will work out in my favor, OR, am I going to say forget the challenge and give up because I don’t see progress?
  4. Outcome: “Blessing through Emotional Upheaval”- In comparison to my current situation, I read this card as many people involved and many hearts involved…loyalty(coworkers to the job)… this card basically said…hey, it’s going to be a storm! That’s the outcome…it’s going to seem crazy and confusing, but just wait. Blessings will be revealed and this is all happening for a reason. It said everyone will benefit. Well, these past 2 months have been shaken up, especially in my work life. I felt not appreciated (don’t get that feeling of being “owed” after everything subsides though) and I felt like it was discrete favoritism going on, so I addressed it as such. I broke down and had an anxiety attack and wanted to just pick up and leave everything with my kids, or just let me little soul go on to glory( i just blogged about that…). Those crazy moments were supposed to happen. So, I’m in a much better place today. Before I get too caught up in “emotional upheavals”, I go out in nature and ground myself. I am so much better when I do that! 🙂 By the way, just say i did get a little blessing at work 🙂

Thank you for reading!

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

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Bag of Tears

Greeting Family!

I’m back again…like I said I would be with more blog posts! Last night, I shared with you all my Redemption and Self-worth post about being a mistress aka an “Easter Egg”.

This is going to be a heavy post because I have been sitting on these feelings for a while.

                                                                                So….

My mother passed in October 2012. Although I was there for her while she was ill, it still didn’t change the fact that she was physically about to expire. Nothing or no one can prepare anyone for death. Of course, I was in an ever changing spiritual state of questioning life and death back then. More importantly, where do souls go since we’re made up of energy? No Christian (my faith at the time) could tell me. Now, I realized that I didn’t properly mourn her death. 2013 was rough as hell! So much was going on…death, surviving undergrad/grad school, my break up, stress(which turned into me having alopecia in 2014), and navigating being a single mother.

Death really became a new beginning.

I was semi-suicidal and depressed. I was a foster child, so I already didn’t have my mom around for most of my pre-teen and teenage years. I debated killing myself several times. For what? I thought it would fix the pain, but I am glad that I realized I would be inflicting so much involuntary agony towards my family.  During this gloomy time, I stopped talking to family and friends. I dropped out of grad school…I felt too depressed to finish. I had heightened relationship issues with my kid’s father that seemed to magnify after her death. The issue was that I didn’t know how to properly mourn. Does anyone ever though?

Sad excuses because I’m supposed to be a big girl, right?

January through March 2013, I finally mourned her. I finally let go of the pain of watching her on a breathing machine and hearing that “death rattle”…that’s when your lungs fill with fluid. I let go of burdens dealing with her being in another city having to catch the bus in the rain, while being weak coming from dialysis. I regret that. I am literally shamefully sobbing right now. I was fucked up.  I fucked up! I was so busy living in another city, being a mom, being a live-in GF to a guy who didn’t seem to appreciate me (but shit, did I even appreciate myself?), graduating undergrad, going to grad school, trying to balance bills and be “grown”, and still travel up and down the highway to see her when her other kids couldn’t make it.

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Watching her life deteriorate before my eyes was by far the hardest shit I’ve ever had to go through. Sitting by her thinking of all those times I was a smart ass to her…thinking about all those times I could have hugged her, or came to see her more. Or hell, moved my kid’s father out and moved her into my home just spend a little more time with her.

I’ll tell you this…that woman was a Scorpio Rebel! Side note… she and my daughter’s birthdays are a day apart. She was supposed to share a birthday with my daughter, but the C-section didn’t go as planned and….she got on my nerves that day, so I asked God to not let my daughter be born on her birthday…ughh. Yes, I know petty. I am sorry mama.

Getting back on task here…

This heifer came on the Greyhound bus a year, or so prior…2 hours from our birthplace to TELL me (didn’t ask,) she was moving in with me….transferred her doctors and dialysis to move up here. I met her at the Greyhound station and told her she had to go back. When I look back, I question myself if I even deserved her love and affection she was trying to give me. She still loved me anyway and looked past all the bullshit that I was giving her. I was too focused on trying to work out that dead ass relationship with my kid’s dad over building another with her.  STOP RESURRECTING DEAD ASS RELTIONSHIPS! This random man told me, and I’ll never forget in that Greyhound station, that I will never get another mother and to treat her right.

Did I take his advice? No, it fell on deaf ears until she was on her death bed.

Fast forward to 2014 to mid-2015/2016….I began going overboard with the piercings, mostly, and tattoos. I was swimming in a puddle of pain…straight drowning actually. I love my tats and piercings… and I still believe its self-expression, but in reality, I was self-mutilating some pain away as well. Again, this was around the time of me exploring my sexuality and being a mistress as well(ending part of 2014 thru mid 2015… I was in a relationship…just needed to add). I was in a ton of emotional shit. Do you feel me? Now that I think about it, every time I was emotionally rejected through those months…I got a piercing. The over abundance of piercings really began to happen often in 2015…I have had/have just about all types of piercings 😉

Another side note…

I’m spiritually being nudged to tell you all about that time my mom came to visit me for Christmas. I had just revived that dead ass break up with my kids father, before the “big break up”, in 2011 going into 2012. I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was about 2 or 3…I treated my mom so bad. I was scared that I was pregnant, scared that I made the wrong decision to even have sex with him. God, I literally had a panic attack in the bathroom. Thoughts raced through my mind…”what if he leaves me” or “how am I going to finish college and work on $7.25 hour paycheck?” It was little the things that annoyed me during that time. God, I would like a do-over.

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Consistent cycles….

Every year…at the beginning of the year, I literally go through depression, suicidal thoughts, and now, anxiety. I have probably always had anxiety and just pinpointed what it was.

This year was no different. Only difference was that I hadn’t gotten any new piercings in 2017. I don’t have much left to pierce, truth be told. This year I broke down in my employers bathroom crying…walking back in and out of the office…to go unnoticed…that I was really battling with some emotions inside. I was fucked up, for a lack of a better statement. I had taken all that I felt I could take. I wrote my “tribe” a letter saying this is it. I’ll make a will and to please take care of my kids. Of course, being the kind family that they are…they reached out. I explained that I missed my mom, life is stressful, and my job is just shaky. I couldn’t leave anyway…who would be here to help heal others, or love on my kids like me, or even to be that optimistic person in a room full of naysayer’s and Debbie Downers? I have to stay. My mission would be incomplete.

Self-Evaluation…..

I finally realized what I was going through. It is called a “deathversary”. It is when you become emotional around the months that your loved one passed. My aunt helped me figure it out. I wasn’t crazy…this is normal behavior. Anxiety isn’t a joke. You’re one cry away from leaving your natural life at times.

Are you struggling too?

What has to be done…is that you have to doing something fun, or doing something in their remembrance around that time. For me, I’d probably get a massage somewhere to relax and be around people who care for my well-being…who can speak life into my situation and emotions. Say affirmations. Grounding yourself at the park in the grass…dig your feet into the earth. Hug a tree. Mediate in nature. We’re going to make it!

I am not alone. You are not alone. We are loved. We can overcome anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Mourning is natural. I talk to my mom out loud because I know her soul visits me. Her energy comforts me when I’m sad. That hell raising Scorpio wouldn’t ever leave me!

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The best thing to happen to me was being a mom to a silly Cancer boy and a little Scorpio baby girl. She is so much like me…and my mom. We’re all funny in a weird, quirky way. I’ll share this again…The night my mom passed; I was filling out her paper work to go into hospice. She wasn’t having that. She didn’t want to go in a place like that. That heifer died before she went into a hospice care center! LOL But…that night when I got off the phone with her doctor…I know I felt my mom’s spirit flow through me. I reached for my babies kneeling in the kitchen…hugging them so tight…telling them that I loved them. They couldn’t comprehend at that moment. I couldn’t understand what I was doing. She was telling me goodbye and that she loved me…and she always felt like my brother and I were my kids. So, now, as I write this and watch my 2 Peas as they rest…I get to look at them in amazement every night as they sleep in my bed…just thinking…damn, my mama looked at us the same way! That thought keeps me content.

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Do As I Say…and As I Do!! :)

Hello Beauties!

A comment that I put on my last post inspired me to write this one…

 

Kids are so impressionable at any age, but truly when they are under ten year old, in my opinion. They are so observant and listen closely to your every word…even when you think they are not….! I know you have faked sleep once, or twice when your parents, or parents friend were having a “grown folks conversation”…..Ummmm hummmm. 🙂 We all did it…we were all inquisitive….and still really are… For example…there is an accident pulled over to the median. What do we all naturally do? We stare for as long as our wheel and brakes will allow us to AND we may even roll down the window. So, we all want to know something.

I grew up in the 80-90’s, so McDonald’s and Burger King were a treat..we didn’t eat there everyday. In 2015, its far from a treat. It is a death sentence by choice. Sarcastically speaking, I’m unsure if the salad is even healthy. If you choose to partake in it, eat it in so much moderation that you’re barely eating it at all! My family cooked at home and I cant say that I always wanted it, but if I got hungry enough, then it was eaten. Not many people are cooking at home and when they shop for groceries, they head for the middle aisles…where are the sugary, gooey treats are…Then you have parents who are just getting off work and are tired..I get it. *raises hand* I am too. I have alarms set…here is my schedule:

5:30 a.m. Wake up. Get work out clothes on and kids clothes on

6 a.m. Feed the kids

6:25 a.m. Heading to daycare * thank God they are open this early*

6:35 a.m. Drive to the park

6:45 a.m. MaymyRun and Pandora…locked and loaded

7:30 a.m. 2 miles around park….maybe step runs once or twice..Done.

7:45 a.m. Doing either arm exercise, tummy, or back workouts

8:15 a.m. Getting ready for work

6:45 p.m. Working out with the kids at the park again

IT’S A CHOICE!

I’m becoming disciplined because you wouldn’t get me up that early to save your own life 🙂 Now, I can! 🙂

You have to re-route your food choices. Only shop for foods on the outside areas. Fruits/Veggie section will ALWAYS be my first place to go. Then, Meat section…followed by Dairy area. Until i learn how to make my own sauces, etc..that’s when i will stay off those aisles. My kids watch me…they see what kind of fruits we ingest…they even watch my exercise…I make it so important that it becomes important to them. It so good for me because I ask random people running up the stairs if they want to race, so it becomes fun for everyone. I don’t care if i look foolish…its about living! Sometimes i give them kid version of being healthy and then some days I give them NC-17 version…For example: “If you eat fast food all the time, you will become over weight…like me…and you will be unhappy…like me…and you will have a plethora of diseases attached to you…UNLESS you make the CHOICE to eat better”. I explain, that mean eating fresh fruits and vegetables, trying green smoothies, sticking to a strict carb intake. I’m learning that food tastes good, but Im not going to scarf down so much that I’m sick because I’m choosing to binge eat. And you know…that is actually a disorder.

Parents: Set great examples…it costs less than you think to eat healthy… You can get out of Walmart with pineapples, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, kale, spinach, and even tomatoes…with about $25-30. That is the same amount that you would spend on one meal full of junk. Do better so our kids can do better. Diabetes is real…and I have it. I don’t want my kids to have it and deal with what I’m putting myself through when I CHOOSE to binge eat. I had a blood sugar at 300-400…my body is use to, but I’m damaging organs and nerves in the process. In this past week alone, I have managed to get my blood sugar down to 92- 115. I’m amazed and i rechecked….because i though the meter was lying…* as if it can talk back*.

Were going to do this together…..No one gets left behind!!

I’m challenging everyone to walk 2 miles a day in the park for at least 3 days. Eat 2 more vegetables and fruits in replace of a starch like mashed potatoes, or pasta. 🙂

I believe in you 🙂

Peace and Blessings,

 

Random Mixed Chick

My Loves racing.... this is a still shot them...my DD beats my son :)

My Loves racing…. this is a still shot of them…my DD beats my son 🙂

 

My Love Patches… Part 3!

Hello Beauties!!

Hope you all have been well since I have last posted!

I wanted to do an update post of my love patches aka Alopecia Areata today. It has grown so much since my last update last year. I have little sprouts and a even a baby curl! Who would have thunk it?!? I am continuously using my Rogaine for Women, steroid shots from my dermatologist, Jamaican Black Castor Oil,  using the Vitamin E capsules(… make a small incision and apply it to the spot..i use 2 capsules per spot), and even praying over my spots.

In February, I actually got a Ion brand hair dye applied to my hair as well(Ion black cherry). I don’t see any damage, so if it works for you- even with Alopecia Areata, go ahead and get a summer color going for yourself! My stylist was able to even trim my new growth spots, so that it could grow even more.

So, I’m really happy and 80% stress free nowadays. Stress was the key for me that I believe initially had my hair falling out. I do my best now to take deep breaths, rethink how I’m going to handle the situation moving forward, and pray.

Here are some Before and Current pictures!

Before(Mid 2014)

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After (April 2015)

Top                                                 Back (See my little curl 😉 )

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These are some products that I’m currently using as well ….

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Peace & Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Journey of Singlehood: Alone, but Never Lonely

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Hello Blessed and Beautiful One’s!

I find myself almost 8 months post-single…and guess what? I’m happy and Satisfied. In any journey, there will be past memories and struggles along the way. The road is never promised to be super easy. Letting go and giving my troubles to God turned out not to be so hard. I made my choice and was satisfied in it. I hear people always say, “when she is tired, she will no longer argue” or “when a woman is fed up...” …well I was well over due to end that chapter of my life, after 5 years and two children.

To be honest, we always argued and I was always so fearful of leaving. We went to relationship workshops and even sought counseling to help with our issues.At times, I felt like i couldn’t survive without him, but who i didn’t involve enough in my relationship was God, until the very end. I kept praying and making broken promises to God until the end of last year.

Love, to me, isn’t fearful when God is involved. Jesus is Love. I wrestled with that relationship for 5 years and when i finally decided to let go and let God…i felt so free. It was much hurt and pain paired with some happy times. We both fell short in certain aspects of each other, but I wouldn’t want to change anything. Those 5 years is my story, my journey…and i truly believe that their is better to come..along with my Boaz.

My future husband will love me unconditionally, he will respect me, he will adore me, he will comfort me, he will not be intimidated by anything, he will be so much like God that it would be hard for me to tell the difference…and that, in my heart i know, is some very powerful love here on Earth.

Until I am found, i will continue to witness, share my life stories, and all of my testimonies for others to know that you need not be fearful of anything, but the Lord.

 

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

Weight Loss Journey Pt 3

Hello Random People,

So, this week has been a great one. I went to my diabetes doctor to show off how good my blood sugars were doing. I’m awesome & was told i was doing a better job than the last time! 🙂 Then, i found this super cool site called “My Fitness Pal” . Love it! Im a frugal chick and dont mind buying generic foods…so guess what?? It has all my generic brand foods. 🙂 Super happy about that. I was advised to watch my calories and have actually been under my calories, now that i’m seeing the numbers. It tell me how much my daily limit is for y weight and how much i want to lose. I suggest this website to anyone who is on their weight loss journey as well.

Another great thing of discussion is this movie called “Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead” that is about juicing your way to weight loss and a much healthier life. This man was on medications too. This gives me inspiration to juice, when i buy a blender or juicer. Ive tried a detox cleanse and liked it, where i blended fruits and veggies. The prices of these juicers are cheap either, but I’d rather think of it as a long term investment for my life by getting all the “micro-nutrients”  my body needs. I wonder if i begin juicing and slowly diverting from processed foods, will i ever look at them the same again and will i ever go out to eat with knowing this food is doing absolutely for me? Possibly.

As far as weight loss, I can actually say on only lost a 2 ounces…not excited about that, but will keep up with what i doing. Remind yourself, as I am as well, that it didnt take 2 months to get the weight on, so it will take much longer to get off. I’ve had some fall backs….i have to resist the temptation of my kids animal crackers in my cabinet. 🙂

Hope everyone achieve his or her’s goals this week, Amp up your veggie intake and tell me how that has helped your body!

Anyone out there juicing for health and weight loss? I would love to hear your comments and stories.

Current Weight: 196.8 , Height: 5’3

Peace and Blessings,

Random Mixed Chick

“Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead” movie free on Hulu

http://www.hulu.com/watch/289122